I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
