I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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