my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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