You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
