Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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