theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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