I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
