I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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