ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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