In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just blew my weed a kiss
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
