come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
