I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
