I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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