Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
