I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
