god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
