I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
