Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
