i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
