remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
