but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
