he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
