Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
