so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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