just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
