i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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