Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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