Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
