I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
