This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
