a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
