I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize