I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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