I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize