Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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