I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize