I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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