i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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