So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
