I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
