Kiss
Puke
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
