Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
