I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
