Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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