im drinking this country out of the recession.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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