She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
