Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
