i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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