I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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