just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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