I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
