it's too hot outside to masturbate.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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