how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we should paint friendship bongs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
