Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
