In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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