I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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