she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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