You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
