My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
