Welp...herpes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
