i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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