i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
