I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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