need another drink. this is the easiest way
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
