If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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