once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
40s are totally the cure
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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