Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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