We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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