There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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