Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
